


Stuck in the Middle

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Penelope finds that she can't just let Alex leave them without a reason why, and so she enlists the help of someone who might just be able to strongarm Alex into giving her the answers she wants.
Relationships: Scott Miller/Penelope Garcia
Kudos: 5





	Stuck in the Middle

Penelope looked around the table at the team gathered, frowning to see that Alex was missing. But when no one commented on her absence, she tried to roll with it, giving the facts that she had gathered on the case before listening to Hotch give a few remarks before giving the standard wheels up in thirty. Everyone left the room before she did, and she smiled a little when she saw that Hotch was hanging back as well. "All right, spill. Where is our lovely Doctor Blake?"

"At home."

"Is she not feeling well?"

There was a pause, and Aaron drew in a deep breath as he shook his head. "She's not going to be back. The case in Texas broke something in her. And the fact that none of us checked in on her during the flight home didn't help, either."

"I know that Morgan and Jayje were focused on Reid, and making certain that he was okay. I just wanted to curl into a ball and completely forget about the fact that I shot someone. And before you ask, yes, I am going to speak with my therapist, but I still think that I'm shaking at times." He nodded as he reached out, resting his hand on her shoulder. Before she could stop herself, Penelope stepped forward and hugged him tightly, trying to keep from crying on his chest. "I am just so tired of losing my family to the darkness of this job. Elle, Emily, Erin, now Alex? It's just not fair!"

"I know, Penelope. But we have to carry on as best we can. Now, I have to get going."

"Yeah, I know, Hotch. But please stay safe out there. I don't think I could handle another loss so soon after this."

Hotch nodded as he stepped away from her, giving her a small smile as he turned and left the conference room. Letting out a deep sigh, Penelope grabbed the remote from the table and made her way back to her office, struggling to keep from crying as she settled behind her desk and started to run the preliminary searches that she knew would help the team out. Since there was not much else to do, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through the pictures until she found one of her and Blake from the night they had all sang karaoke. It had taken a while for her to relax enough to join them on stage, but Penelope had managed to cajole her into duetting with her to "Don't Go Breaking My Heart". Jayje had managed to snap a picture of them singing, and it had always made her happy to see it, since she truly felt like this was the moment that Alex had become a part of her family.

Before she could overthink things, she forwarded the picture to Alex, along with a heart emoji, before setting her phone aside as she gave a quick update to the team. With that out of the way, she picked up her phone once more and began to scroll through her pictures, needing to hold on to the memories they brought up as she tried not to dwell on the fact that Alex was well and truly gone from her life. After all, the woman hadn't even bothered to reply back to Penelope. Sighing, she paused on another picture that made her heart insanely happy, from when she had flown to Kansas City to meet Alex's father and brother, to feel like she was part of a larger family, even if only for a day. The stories that Mister Miller had told her about Alex and her childhood had helped Penelope form a more complete picture of the woman while also piquing her interest in the man who was her younger brother.

"That's it! Scott! I would bet dollars to doughnuts that he would have words to tell Alex about her just up and quitting the team." Taking a deep breath, she searched for his name in her contact list and smiled to herself as she decided if it would be better to text or call. That was when she remembered the hour time difference, and settled on texting him. _Hey, Scott! I don't know if you remember me or not, but this is Penelope Garcia. I worked with your sister in the BAU? You'll notice I said worked. She decided to up and quit without telling anyone, and I was wondering if she had given you a head's up before leaving me in the lurch. Anyway, feel free to call me and we can talk more about this rash decision that your sister made. X_

Penelope pressed send and had almost set the phone aside when she realized, to her horror, that she had signed the text with a kiss, like she would with her closer friends or her partner. Knowing that it was too late to call the text back, she had to content herself with the gaffe as she waited for a response from either of the living Miller siblings. A part of her didn't want to appear too eager when the replies came, but she knew that a larger part of her would be instantly checking her phone's display when she heard the notification ding. Thankfully, Rossi called her not three minutes later, wanting her to look up some odd bit of information for the case, which helped to take her mind off the anticipation of waiting for an answer.

And from there, she was busy for the rest of the morning, having to look up information for the Red Cell team, along with assisting on a Stateside search for the international team, and she didn't have the opportunity to check her personal phone until she took her lunch break, letting Kevin know where she was going and that she would be back in an hour. Pushing away from her desk, she decided to head down to the canteen and pick up whatever salad they had available that afternoon, since she didn't think that her stomach could handle much more than that as she awaited an answer from either person.

It didn't take long to get her food, and then she holed up in her office once more, setting her phone next to her on the desk as she started to play a game, needing something to take her mind off both the case and her texts. But, as was usually the case with her, she found that just when she was about to defeat her current enemy, her attention was interrupted by her phone starting to vibrate against her desk before the ringtone began to play. Letting out a puff of breath, Penelope paused the game before setting her laptop aside and picking up the phone, seeing that it was Scott calling her back. Hurriedly, she accepted the call and brought the device to her ear, plastering a smile on lips in order to make her voice sound a little more pleasing. "Hello, Scott."

"Penelope! It is good to hear your voice again."

Her smile softened into something real, and she reached up to twirl a piece of hair around her finger as she leaned back in her chair. "I could say much the same for you. But shouldn't you be at work right now?"

He chuckled a little, and Penelope could almost imagine that his position was similar to her won as they were talking. "I actually decided to take a short break to call you, figuring that this would be your lunch hour. Alex never liked it when Pop or I would interrupt her workday with our calls. Since she never could call us. So, I guess in answer to your question, no. She hasn't called to tell us that she up and quit her dream job two years after getting back into the BAU. Jesus, Penelope, what happened?"

"Do you have about twenty minutes to listen to me ramble on about this case we just got back from?" she asked, knowing that it would most likely take that long to get everything out.

"I can make time for you."

There was a slight hint of flirting in his voice, and a blush began to spread across her skin as she took a few shallow breaths before starting. "So, when we have cases, we can generally tell how bad they'll be, based on where they take place. The worst ones are in Florida, and then the next worst ones are usually in Texas. And this case took place in Texas, and involved another corrupt police department there."

"Another?" he interrupted.

"Yeah, a few years ago, before Alex came back to our team, we had to deal with a maniac who was using his position as a cop to hunt people crossing the border from Mexico into the US. That was an awful case, let me tell you. Almost as bad as what happened just recently. Because while it was just one man abusing his position there, this entire force will have to be gutted and restarted from the ground up. So, we finally figured out what was going on, and there was a shootout, and…" She allowed her voice to trail off, not certain how to tell Scott that Alex had been the one to very nearly die that evening.

"What happened?"

"Reid pushed Alex out of the way and took the bullet that was meant for her. She applied pressure to his wound until the paramedics could safely arrive. She didn't want to leave his side, but Derek needed to go to the hospital, too, since he had taken two bullets to the chest, and there's always that worry, even when wearing a bulletproof vest, that something can go wrong. So she rode with Jayje to the hospital, and waited. By the time I got there, she looked so sad, and she let me hug her."

"Really?"

"I know. Alex doesn't let people touch her."

"That is an understatement. You have to be really special to her to have her allow you getting that close to her."

"Yeah. I guess that's what makes this all the harder? Knowing that I might have meant something to her, but not enough for her to tell me that she was leaving? Anyway, I haven't finished what happened. I had to touch base with Rossi and Jayje before they met with Hotch and Derek in his hospital room, and then Alex and I went to Reid's room to watch over him and exchange stories. I learned a little more about her, but every time I tried to ask a more personal question, she'd deflect attention back to Reid or myself."

"Typical Lex. When she gets emotionally overwhelmed, she deflects and turns the attention away from herself. Is Doctor Reid okay?"

"Yeah, he'll be fine in time. So, after going through that trauma, Alex had to head back to the precinct because the case was still active and they needed her. She didn't want to leave, but she wouldn't let me hug her again. I just wanted to comfort her, so I shooed her away, telling her that we'd be fine. Only, we weren't. None of us were. I had to shoot someone who tried to give Reid medicine that he was allergic to, and Alex and Rossi were nearly killed by two of the corrupt cops as they were trying to move a child to safety. It was a clusterfuck from the word go." She paused to take a few deep breaths. "Thankfully, everything worked out for good, but I think we were all so traumatized by what happened during the course of the case that we failed to look out for each other, and turned inwards."

"That can happen to even the most seasoned of professionals, Penelope."

"I know, but it still seems like I should have been paying closer attention to Alex. Because while everyone was talking in pairs or trios, and as I settled down next to Jayje to try and sleep away the fact that I had not only fired my first gun ever, but had shot a person, even though it was necessary, your sister was all alone. And now that I think about it, Hotch got a text on the plane from someone, and we all thought that it was to tell us there was another case, but looking back, I know that that was Alex telling him that she was leaving the team. And maybe, if I had curled up with her, imposed myself on her, that night, she wouldn't have decided to leave me."

"Don't you mean leave the team?"

Scott's words were kind, and she shrugged, before letting out a little sigh. "No. I mean me. Every member of our team becomes like family to me, and I've lost so many family members over the years. Last year, it was Erin, now it's Alex? It's not fair, I can't keep losing!" That was when she burst into tears, and on the other end of the line, she listened to him make a soft sound of comfort in the back of his throat. "I'm sorry, this is a horrible second impression I'm making."

"You're human, you're allowed to have feelings, even if my sister feels like that's anathema. You know what, we're going to stage a little intervention for dear Lex. What do you say? Feel up to making another visit to Kansas City?"

"Will your dad make delicious food for me again?"

Scott laughed, the sound like music to her ears. "I can arrange that. Be here next Saturday for a long weekend?"

"Of course. And we'll hope that Alex will join us?"

"Oh, she'll join us. Dad will make certain of that." They chatted for a few more minutes about inane things before her work phone rang. "I suppose that's our cue to say goodbye?"

"Unfortunately. Though I hope you won't mind a few texts from me over the next few days, since I won't know when a good time to call will be. See you soon!" After they'd hung up, Penelope took a deep breath before smiling widely, hoping that the days between now and then would pass as quickly as possible.

Ten days later, her plane was touching down in Kansas City, and as it taxied to the gate, she sent a quick text to Scott, letting him know that she had gotten there safely, and as soon as she had her bag, she'd be catching an Uber to bring her over. With that sent, she checked the status of Alex's plane, having done a little light hacking to figure out what flight she'd be on, figuring that they would be arriving on the same day. Thankfully, it looked like Alex was still about an hour behind her, which meant there wasn't the possibility of being seen by her at the airport.

Once they arrived at the gate, Penelope waited for a majority of the people to get off before getting out of her seat and grabbing her carry-on bag out of the overhead bin, following the last of the passengers off the plane. Since she had hung back to allow everyone to rush off, by the time she arrived at baggage claim, the carousel was already turning, but again, she hung back to allow all the impatient people to grab their luggage. "Penny!"

Frowning to hear her name, she turned to see Scott approaching her, an easy smile on his face, which she quickly returned. "I told you that I was going to catch an Uber to your place."

"Eh, Dad's coming to pick up Lex in a few minutes, so I thought that I'd whisk you away before she steps off the plane and catches on to what's up."

She nodded before allowing him to hug her tightly, breathing in the scent of his aftershave. "I think that her plane is still about an hour out, so as soon as I see my bag, we can head out. So, how did you manage to get Alex to come here?" she asked as she hooked her arm around his waist, feeling comfortable enough with him to do so.

"Dad guilted her into it. She didn't call for Christmas, even though she promised to. It was three weeks, but she completely blew us off."

Penelope shook her head a little. "There was a bad case that we caught at Christmas. We were supposed to be off as a team, since it was our year to have Christmas at home, but that meant we were the only team available to head out. At least we managed to save the holiday season for one family, but it was heavy."

"Oh," he breathed out. "See, this is what happens when she doesn't talk to us. I could have gotten Dad to use a different tack with her, rather than make her feel guilty for ignoring us in favor of a case."

"It happens, but now you know, and we can maybe salvage some of that when we're all together. After I get my answers, of course."

"Of course," he said with a little chuckle, and she squeezed his side a little, the gesture entirely too familiar, but also so right feeling. "You, you are single, right?"

Catching sight of her bag, she nodded quickly before darting between the gaggle of people congregated in front of the carousel. Shooting them a small glare, trying to get them to realise that they were in the way, Penelope took hold of the handle of her bag and tromped her way back through the same crowd, stepping on a foot or two before she stopped in front of Scott once more, rolling her eyes a little. "People. I swear. Anyway, yes, I am single. I wouldn't flirt quite this aggressively if I weren't. You're not my Derek, after all."

Scott nodded as he took hold of the handle of her bag, holding out his free hand to her. It was so easy to clasp it once more, and she wondered just how the team would react if this lasted beyond the weekend. Or how Alex would react. Gulping a large breath of air, she straightened her shoulders a little and glanced over at him. He was so tall, so handsome, and a little bit of that old insecurity crept back into her mind. "Why did your smile dim?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Just now, when you looked over at me, your smile dimmed, like you had thought of something that pained you."

A faint blush stole across her cheeks as she looked down at the ground. "You should have become a profiler like Alex. I thought I was better at hiding my emotions than that. You're handsome."

"And you're pretty." She shrugged. "Penelope?"

"I'm quirky, I'm unconventional, and I think, sometimes, I'm pretty. But the world at large sees me as too much, from personality to body size. So there are moments when I pause and think how I don't belong with people like you. Sorry, you get to see the toxic cesspool of my doubts a lot sooner than I would have planned?"

He paused her next to his car, letting go of her suitcase to rest his hand on her shoulder, staring into her eyes as he smiled gently. "We're a quiet family, used to writing letters, thanks to my mother and her insistence that the written word matters so much. Words will probably always be hard for me. But that's why you're a breath of fresh air for me. Because you are who you are. And who you are is beautiful. Lex, well, we were talking about the team a little, and she had nothing but good to say about you. She sees that same inner light that Dad saw in you when you arrived at our house, that same inner light that I see."

Penelope let out a puff of breath before nodding and blinking back tears. "You're sweet."

"That is something rarely used to describe me, but thank you. Now, let me get you home before we dawdle too long and Dad and Lex appear." She nodded, giving him a watery smile. Scott opened the passenger door for her before stowing her bags in the trunk before getting behind the wheel. "So, I forgot to let you know something."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, since Dad will be picking Lex up and won't be arriving home until lunch time, he decided that we have to finish lunch for them. Don't worry, everything's started already started, we're having barbeque ribs, and yes, there is a vegetarian option for you, we'll just need to start heating things up so that it's all ready when they arrive. I'll take care of the ribs, since they're in the smoker in the back yard, but could you do the froufrou stuff?"

"Like set the table and make it look pretty and then plate up all the fixings?" she teased, grateful to have something happy to talk about, rather than focusing on her issues. Scott nodded, causing her to giggle, and then she pulled out her phone and took a surreptitious picture of him, wanting to have proof that this was really happening, that she wasn't just dreaming this up.

"When we get home, we'll take a better picture, together."

"I hate liking cops and agents," she muttered with no real malice in her voice, listening to him laugh. The rest of the drive didn't take long, and they talked the entire way about more inane things in their lives. It was so nice getting to know him better, getting to know Alex better, and she found herself relaxed about the meeting that was soon to come.

"I'll bring your bags up to my old room, since Alex will be staying in her room for the weekend."

"But I have a hotel reservation."

Scott fixed a look on her, and she gave him a small shrug. "Dad still knows everyone in this town, it comes with being a cop, and he decided that you would be better here, so that you and Lex can talk it out, because he is convinced that it will take the entire weekend for everything to be cleared out." She nodded, knowing that Mister Miller was correct. "If you want to make yourself comfortable in the kitchen, feel free to get something to drink or snack on while you're waiting for me."

"Okay." Penelope followed him into the house and made her way into the kitchen while he went back out for her bags. While she was alone, she snooped through the cupboards to look for everything she'd need to set the table with, and then poured herself a glass of water, sipping at it as she stacked everything that she would need on the kitchen table, figuring that they would eat in there, since it would be just the four of them. "Do you have a tablecloth or do you just eat on a bare table?" she asked, hearing footsteps behind her.

"We've never been one to stand on formalities, Penelope. But then, we've also never been one to frog march another member of the family into a situation where she's ambushed by a former colleague who never learned appropriate boundaries."

Turning, she felt the blood drain from her face as she looked at the very placid face of Alex Blake. But having known her for two years, having already had to apologise for getting off on the wrong foot with her, she knew that beneath that placid exterior, the woman was thoroughly furious. "And some people never learned how to say goodbye to people they supposedly regard as family. Or did you not mean that when we all were here back in December?"

Penelope hadn't meant to go right for the jugular, but it had been so easy to do when trying to protect her suddenly aching heart. For just a moment, Alex's façade broke, revealing the hurting woman beneath the cool exterior, but soon enough the mask had slipped back into place and Alex drew herself up to her full height before looking down her nose at Penelope. "I'll be in my room. Have Scotty get me when lunch is ready."

Before Penelope could say another word, Alex turned on her heel, and a short time later, she could hear her heavy footfalls on the steps. "My daughter never really liked surprises."

She turned her head to look at Mister Miller, feeling her lower lip wobble a little as she struggled to keep from crying. "Her plane was an hour behind mine," she whispered as she sank down onto a chair, wrapping her fingers around her glass in order to stop them from shaking. "How are you here already?"

"I don't know about you, but Alex called me as soon as her plane had landed, letting me know that it had arrived early. I tried to call Scott, to let him know that plans had changed, but he must have had his phone on silent. Or he was too busy talking to a beautiful young woman to check and see what his old man wanted. Oh, honey, don't cry."

Penelope hunched her shoulders up around her ears as she buried her chin in her chest, trying to stop the tears from falling, knowing that she was such an ugly crier, and she didn't want that to be the face she presented Mister Miller. And then he was softly drawing her into a light hug and she allowed the floodgates to open as she leaned against him. "I can change my ticket home, I'm certain there's a flight to DC soon enough, and you can enjoy a weekend with your daughter. I've ruined everything."

"I rather think that it was my sister who stepped all over your heart in her pain." Penelope lifted her face to see Scott standing in the doorway, a frustrated expression on his face. "She said that she wants me to go up and get her for lunch, when it's ready. What do you think, Dad? Shouldn't we send Penelope instead?"

"Do you want to rile Alex up more?" Mister Miller replied as he stepped away from Penelope, giving her a warm smile. "If your mother were here, she'd make you do that."

"Yeah, but Alex needs to know that you can't just eviscerate someone who cares enough to make certain that everything is all right. And I'm not going to be stuck in the middle of this, not when Penelope looks so sad." He came over to her side and caressed her upper arm before going to the sink and pouring himself a glass of water. "And you're not going to leave here early. I won't let Lex run you off."

She gave a little nod before taking a few deep breaths and getting to her feet. "All right, Scott said that we were going to help fix lunch for everyone?" she said, trying to sound collected and calm, even as her heart continued to ache. Both men looked at her, as if they knew that she was trying to ignore what had just been said. Scott came over to her side, resting his hand on her shoulder and she sighed deeply before leaning back against his broad chest. "I didn't think that she would actually hate me. Not after she let me hug her."

"I don't think that she hates you, I just think that she's smarting over a few things. I'll let you have a tiny hint into my daughter. She's never had someone chase after her, not since Erin died. So this might have brought up some painful memories for her, on top of the trauma she just experienced." Mister Miller gave her a tender smile, causing her to tear up once more. "I think you're right, Scott. Penelope is the one who should go up and tell Alex that it's time for lunch. I'm going to go check on the ribs if you want to start on the sides." He gave her a small wink before heading outside, and Penelope let out a watery laugh as she got to her feet.

"I think that your father is trying to play matchmaker."

"I think that he saw the chemistry between us back in December, and is giving us a gentle nudge towards what he thinks we should have. Also, he wants another chance at a grandchild, since Alex and James aren't going to have another child."

"Another?"

Scott's eyes widened as he cleared his throat. "She really does keep things close to the vest. Yes, she had a child young, so young. Ethan would have been about Doctor Reid's age, had he lived. The saddest thing is, they never really had a name for what he had, but he just never developed normally. His body grew, his mind didn't. And my sister, who knows how to use language with the precision of a scalpel, couldn't communicate with her son. She never knew if he loved her as much as she loved him."

"That's so tragic."

"And most of what we know about how it affected her is what we inferred from the funeral and from what James said. She's always been closed off, ever since Danny died. If you can pull her out of her mind, even for a few moments, you'll be a miracle worker." Penelope nodded as they started to get the rest of lunch together, managing to get everything plated and on the table by the time Mister Miller was returning with the platter of ribs. "All right, Penny, now's your opportunity to get beneath my sister's skin again. We'll be waiting for you down here."

To her surprise, Scott kissed her temple before gently pushing her in the direction of the doorway, and then she made her way upstairs, hoping that she could find the right room on the first try. Knowing that Alex was the only girl in the family, she figured that she would probably get the smallest room, since there were only five doors up there, and one was likely to be the bathroom. Taking a chance, she chose the last door on the side of the hall with three rooms. Opening it, she peeked her head inside to see that Alex was indeed there, stretched out on the bed, her head buried in her arms.

"Alex?" she asked quietly, wondering if the woman had fallen asleep. There was a little bit of movement on the bed, and she noticed the woman turn her head so that she was looking at the wall, away from Penelope, and she let out a deep sigh as she entered the room. Making her way over to the bed, Penelope stood there, wondering what to say to the woman besides the obvious. "Lunch is ready. Scott thought it would be better if I came up to get you for some reason, and your dad agreed. And you don't have to worry, after lunch, I'll hole myself up in the guest room and you can spend time with your family. You'll only have to put up with my impertinence when we eat."

She turned to go, only to feel Alex's hand shoot out and grab hold of her wrist, holding her in place. Slowly, Penelope turned to look at the woman, seeing that her face was a closed off mask to her. "We'll talk following lunch. In this room. Where I'm safe." She nodded as Alex gracefully rose to her feet, never releasing her hold on Penelope's wrist as they made their way downstairs. Penelope knew that she should be bothered by the hold, but she wasn't since it at least meant that there was still some small link between herself and Alex. By the time they reached the kitchen, Penelope had managed to adjust the hold, so that she was clasping Alex's hand lightly, finding that touch much more reassuring for some reason. "All right, I'm playing nice for the moment. Let's eat."

Alex took a seat next to her father, which left Penelope the open seat next to Scott, something she didn't really mind. He gave her a small, encouraging, smile, which she easily returned as he took hold of her hand. Her brow furrowed a little at the touch, only to see him extend his hand across the table to his father, and that Alex was holding out her own hand expectantly. Hesitantly, she clasped it, before listening to Mister Miller say a short prayer. Penelope hadn't realized that the family was quite so religious, but there was something comforting about the feel of Alex's hand in hers and the fact that for thirty seconds, she could pretend that everything between them was all right.

The moment the amen was said, however, Alex snatched her hand back, and Penelope took a deep breath, squeezing Scott's hand in return as they began to pass the dishes around. A pleased smile spread across her lips when she saw that Mister Miller had grilled cauliflower for her in place of the ribs that everyone else was eating. The meal didn't last too long, and the conversation was muted, mostly Scott and Mister Miller trying to get them both to open up a little, but Penelope felt too nervous to say much of anything at all, and Alex was just quiet like she normally was.

"Are you going to help with dishes, Lex?" Scott asked when she pushed her plate away from her, and she shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because Penelope and I have to discuss why she dragged me out here, and why she feels the need to keep meddling in people's lives." Penelope swallowed as she nodded, getting to her feet and slowly following after Alex as they made their way back to her room. "Please, take a seat," Alex said as she gestured grandly towards the bed, and Penelope quickly did as asked, smoothing out her skirt as she curled her feet beneath her, trying to look calm and placid.

"All right, I'm here. What do you want to ask me?"

Alex took a seat next to her, grabbing a pillow and hugging it tightly to her chest as she looked steadily at Penelope. "Why couldn't you just let me leave in peace?"

She should have expected the heavy question to be the first one Alex asked, since she had never been one to pull any punches. Still, it took her aback, and she drew in a few breaths as she blinked a few times. "We never really got to know each other over the two years you were with us, because you held yourself back so much. Plus, while you're not quite old enough to be my mother, you are enough older than me to put a generation gap between us. I felt like I couldn't connect to you in the way that I wanted. Even as you slowly opened up to us. I mean, you sang karaoke with me!"  
"That was fun, wasn't it?"

Penelope nodded, giving Alex a shaky little smile. "It was. And that was when I realized just how much you were a part of us, even as you held yourself apart. And then you walked away from us, from me. We were a family, and this family that I've found through this damned horror show of a job means everything to me. I lost my parents to a drunk driver when I was eighteen. I went underground with my hacking skills, because my stepbrothers essentially kicked me out of the family after their deaths. I had no one. And then, Hotch plucked me out of the situation that I was in, and made me part of a new sort of family. And then I started to lose that family, bit by bit, person by person. First it was Elle, then Gideon, then Jayje, then Emily, and then Erin. Yeah, Jajye and Em came back, but Gideon and Elle are in the wind, and Erin will never come back like Emily did. And then, after I almost lost Reid, you walk out and don't look back. You don't say a word to any of us. And I am so fucking tired of losing the family that I chose to be a part of my life."

Penelope broke off her words, looking away from Alex as she angrily swiped at her cheeks, hating the fact that she had broken down to cry in front of the woman who didn't want to be a part of her life. To her surprise, the mattress shifted and moved as Alex scooted closer to her, tossing aside the pillow and hesitantly reaching out let her hand hover over Penelope's knee. "I didn't realise that I meant that much to you."

"I respect you so much, Alex. So much. Jayje and Em, they're great, but you, you're amazing. Maybe I should have told you that, maybe I should have tried a little harder to bring you more into my inner circle. But I could never really find that thread to pull."

"I tried to give that to you at your Day of the Dead party."

Penelope cocked her head to one side as she looked at Alex once more. "How? I assumed you would open up more about losing Erin, but you instead opened up about your mother."

"I'm still not ready to process Erin's passing. When I talked about my mother that evening, it was because I knew that I could trust the team, but mostly you. I couldn't say the words, and you didn't pick up on the inference, and so I didn't try again."

This time, Alex was the one to start crying, but she didn't look away from Penelope as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry that I didn't recognize that at the time," she whispered, clasping Alex's hand tightly. "We had a moment, when we were waiting for Reid to wake up in the hospital. I never felt closer to you than I did in that moment. You let me hug you."

"I needed reassurance that everything would be all right, and you always managed to give that to everyone else." Alex gave her a wry smile. "You know, I was expecting to yell at you when I got you up here, not say more words to you than I have to my family in years. You're lucky."

"I don't like that word."

"Oh?"

She nodded, her free hand brushing against the place where her scar was. "The one time I thought I was lucky, I ended up shot and nearly died." Alex's hand tightened around hers, and she shrugged a little as she flopped back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. Seconds later, Alex had copied her move, their hands never letting go, and in tandem, they let out a soft sigh. "So, to move away from this heaviness, I like your brother. A lot. Will that make things awkward for you?"

Alex chuckled a little as she squeezed Penelope's hand in a pattern that she couldn't decipher. "I suppose that it was inevitable that you two find each other. I saw the way that you both flirted with each other back in December. I just hope that Scotty and my dad know what they're getting into by having you in our lives on a more regular basis."

"I am a happy ray of sunshine. Who could fail to love me?" she asked, wishing that they were facing each other so that she could wink and let Alex know that she was teasing her.

"I know, it is the rare person who doesn't like you, even though you are a bit much at times. You just have to grow accustomed to who you are." Penelope turned onto her side so that she could look at Alex, and found the other woman copying the movement, an almost tender smile on her lips. "And maybe Scotty and Dad need a ray of sunshine in their lives. God knows that I could never be that for them. I'm too serious."

"You're driven, Alex. There's a difference between driven and dour. I mean, you did cut loose at Reid's softball game, and when we sang karaoke. I know this is probably a dumb question, but you didn't tell your dad about almost drowning a few weeks ago, did you?"

Alex shook her head before shrugging a little. "I ended up fine."

"No, you ended up with another trauma on your heart. Please, learn to open up to us a little. We do have your best interests at heart. I swear." Another shrug from Alex as she let out a deep yawn. "Oh, now that is not a good sign. Has travel taken that much out of you?"

"I haven't slept well since the incident in Texas. This is the first time I've felt truly relaxed since that time." Penelope nodded. "Will you tell me a little more about Erin? Your memories of her? Please?"

"Of course," she replied quickly before launching into her earliest memory of Erin, unconsciously drifting closer to Alex until their foreheads were touching as they continued to speak, to share stories of the people in their lives that they shared until they talked themselves to sleep.

The next thing that Penelope knew, she was being awakened with a tender kiss to her forehead. Blinking her eyes, she found Scott grinning down at her before he glanced over at his sister. "We didn't want to interrupt anything, when it became clear that you weren't going to yell at each other. But it's time for supper, and Dad sent me up to get you. Are you both good now?"

"I think so, Scott. We talked until we fell asleep, and it was a good time of healing for both of us. I'll wake her up, if you want to head back downstairs." He nodded and Penelope smiled as she sat up, stretching a little. She chuckled when she saw that Scott was checking out her chest, giving him a small wink and giggling when his cheeks turned a light pink. "Go, before Alex wakes up to find us kissing. There are a few things I'd like to keep under wraps for the time being. If we're still together at Christmas, then we can kiss beneath the mistletoe, and perhaps get Alex and James to follow suit as well."

Scott nodded as he let out a soft chuckle, heading out of the bedroom. Once he was gone, Penelope looked back at Alex, feeling a weird stab of friendly love jab her heart. Reaching out, she brushed a tendril of hair out of Alex's eyes. The older woman frowned a little, letting out a sharp groan as she opened her eyes to focus on Penelope's face. "What time is it?"

"Apparently, time for supper. Scott just came up to check on us, since we were a little too quiet. I do feel enormously better for our little chat and nap, do you?"

Alex nodded as she sat up, an open look on her face. "I do." Then to her shock, Alex was leaning over and giving her a tight hug. "I can't be free like this when I'm around other people, even my family. Maybe, if it gets to Christmas, and you're still here, we can start to be more like real family. I just need time."

"I understand, Alex. And I hope that I am still here come Christmas. Because I really like you, but I like Scott more." Alex laughed as they got to their feet, taking hold of Penelope's hand as they made their way downstairs. And for the first time since Penelope had found out that Alex had left them, she felt a little more at peace, knowing that she had maybe been able to hold onto a piece of her family this time, rather than losing once more.


End file.
